Passwords

I am going to be posting in some detail about some of the happenings at church, and to protect the innocent (or guilty) I am going to password protect those posts. If you want the password, e-mail me at laurie at fields-halva . org and I will send it on. Thanks!

Edited: It looks like I can't protect individual posts on blogger, so I am either going to start a new blog or password protect everything on this one. I'm not sure yet - but dinner is almost done grilling now, so I'm going to eat and then decide later tonight. I will post an update here when I decide - and if I password protect this one I'll wait a few days before doing so to give folks a chance to ask for the password if they so desire.

State Fair

We went to the State Fair today - lots of fun. C and M both had lots of fun seeing all the animals - horses, cows, chickens, roosters, pigs, goats, sheep. They got to ride ponies and go through a really neat kids exhibit learning about what happens on a farm - feeding and milking a (fake) cow, planting seeds and harvesting veggies, feeding a sheep and getting wool, and getting eggs from chickens. M. had a great time with that one - C. is a bit young yet but had fun following M and doing everything she did. They had a display with pictures of different crops and you were supposed to guess what plant each was and then lift up to see if you were right - M got about 7 out of 10 right - I was pretty impressed by that.
The last highlight was going down the giant slide with Dad - M. was big enough to ride by herself, so W. took C. on his lap. I took the following pictures on my iPhone with no zoom, so you can't see much, but they had a blast. C. kept saying after, "Dada, SLIDE!" over and over with a big grin.Walking up all the steps - W. is wearing a grey shirt and carrying C. and the blankets for them to sit on.
Coming down - M. is near the bottom, W and C a bit higher up.
At the bottom - you can't really see the smiles, but they were grinning from ear to ear....

grrrr

More crap going on at W's church. When will adults learn to act like adults? Probably never.....
I'll post more later - it's time to sleep now.

"Pretty"

So, I had an interesting time at church this morning. I should start by saying I am only at W's church about 1/2 of the time now - through December probably I am preaching at other churches 2 Sundays a month. And lots of people that I saw this morning hadn't seen me in awhile - they were at church the Sundays I was preaching elsewhere this summer, and on vacation when I was there. But about 10 or 12 people came up to me and commented on how pretty I looked today. It kind of took me by surprise. I mean, I don't honestly remember anyone commenting specifically on my looks at this church before - except for when it became obvious I was pregnant with C. and I got some comments about my cute baby belly. That was different. This was, hmmm..... hard to describe.
I should say that these comments all came from presumably straight women - it wasn't a sexual thing. It was just interesting. And brought up how many issues I still have about my looks. I have learned to just smile and say thank you when someone compliments me (this took a lot of learning on my part - ) but I still wonder to myself - do I really look that nice?
I remember back to junior high and high school when I would literally (unconsciously) hide under big sweaters and such. I remember in college, literally bawling when W. told me that he thought I was beautiful - I had never seen that in myself before he said it. (I also never dated anyone other than W. - so it's not like I had lots of negative input from previous significant others - I was just always the brain with no romantic social life). As an adult, I have worked hard to become comfortable in my own body - to love my self and to present my self in a way that is both comfortable and attractive. So why does it throw me when others notice?
I have been thinking about all this from another angle as I have been working on getting fall and winter clothes ready for M. and C. If I haven't mentioned it before, M and C are both tall - really tall. M. is in size 7/8 tops this winter - which means I now have to shop for her in the girls 7-14 department - which has been a real challenge so far. I don't consider myself a prude or anything - but most of the clothes in the girls 7-14 department look like they belong on middle schoolers - not a preschooler. I mean, she's not even in kindergarten yet. I am not going to allow her to dress like a pre-teenager. So, finding clothes for M. is proving a challenge. I keep saying this is why I sew - I am making her several tops that are (hopefully) cute and age-appropriate and not going to be midriff showing in January. And I want her to feel comfortable in her clothes - in her skin. I want her to grow up knowing how beautiful she is.
In other general life news, fall is here even though I am not ready. M's dance class starts tomorrow. Her preschool started last week. I think we have made a good choice for her this year - she came home from preschool on Thursday talking a million miles a minute about everything they did, with great enthusiam. Always a good sign. C. is now out of diapers during the day and doing quite well - never let it be said that she is not determined. C. is also really talking now. W. made the comment the other day that if there were a conversation balloon over C's head, everything in it would be in all caps with multiple exclamation points. And he's right - no shortage of enthusiam in C. either.
And now, it's time for bed for the munchkins. 'Til later.....

????

Not sure what to title this - more random reflections, I guess.
It was so interesting to watch the Olympic opening ceremony with M. This is the first time she's been old enough to understand any of the Olympics. And with a dad who's a big sports fan in general, and who was a competitive athlete in several sports in high school, she's enjoyed the whole thing. And we've had some interesting discussions about the world, different countries, why China isn't like the US, etc. I am finding it harder and harder to always answer her questions about things like that - the presidential campaign this fall will be interesting from that standpoint.
On another M. front, have to share this story, which also involves something she's picked up from dad - the use of 4-letter words. Monday night, she was pretty tired after dinner and mad at C. over something I couldn't figure out (I'm thinking at the moment it was something like C. was still breathing, but still). C. had to go potty. So, we were in the bathroom and M. comes in and takes off her sandal and throws it across the room into our bedroom (the bedroom and bathroom connect). I then calmly asked her if she was going to go on our walk tonight or not (we usually take a short family walk with the dog every night). She looked at me and screamed/growled "YES!" so I told her she needed to go get her sandal and put it back on. Then the real battle of wills began. She was convinced that I would either get her sandal or put it on for her. I told her no, if she was going to go on the walk, she needed to do what I asked her to and put it on. I think I also reminded her that it would still be on her foot if she hadn't been so into throwing a fit (which didn't do anything to help her calm down - but I managed to keep calm myself). Finally, C. was finished, I went to get their pajamas, fully ready to just put them to bed (C. has also been fighting off a cold and pretty tired) and M. stood up and got her sandal and brought it to me. I told her that the deal was she got it and she put it on and then we would go on the walk. So, after a minute of going back and forth over this detail, she sits down to put on the sandal, and while doing so looks up at me and says, "Sh!t! F@ck! Hell! Damn!" and probably a few others. All I could do was laugh. Which really confused M. - I think she was convinced this would throw gasoline on the fire so to speak. But it was so funny. She still has no idea what she really said -
W. of course, who is the source of this vocabulary for M., didn't hear any of it. When I told him about it, his response was, "So I either need to watch my mouth or teach her how to properly string them together, right?" Sigh from mom.
On to C. She has decided, as of Monday afternoon, that she does not wear diapers during the day anymore. For those who think an 18 month old is incapable of such sheer willpower and determination, may you never have a stubborn child. And she's done remarkably well so far with no diapers. If this takes, I will be a very happy mom.
I am amazed at the change in weather that August brings here. It is still hot - 90 plus today - but seems so much cooler than the 100 plus days we had in July. We are starting to have some cooler evenings again, which is nice. Soon it will be snowing, I know - so I'm trying to enjoy this.
Things at the church are marginally better. Not much - that will take much more time - but the key leadership is starting to see that W. is not the problem, he is the lighting rod for the anxiety that has been bred of year of mis-communication and indecisiveness and "trying to be nice to everyone" disease (where we want to be nice so we let certain people run roughshod over the rest of the congregation instead of just saying no to their latest outrageous scheme.) No, W. is not perfect - but he is far from their greatest problem. And just dumping on him isn't going to solve anything. Now, we just need this newfound enlightenment to trickle down to the rest of the congregation.
Well, it's late. Time for sleep. Tomorrow is another day....

Rough Times

So, time for my once-a-month update. The girls are fine. Growing like weeds - and now C is old enough to really annoy her sister when she wants to - so sibling issues are cropping up more, but they also really love each other. And it's neat to see them play together more and more. C is also talking more and more. She started saying "anks Mama" on her own - (for "Thanks, Mama") when ever I give her anything. It's really cute. And she will say "anks" when she gives you something as well. In fact, she was "helping" me and M clean the bathroom this week by handing the things on the counter to M who then handed them to me to put out of the way (Did you know it can take 10 minutes or more to clean off a bathroom counter? Don't you want help like mine? :) ) and with every item she said "anks!"
M. is now reading. It has suddenly clicked over the last 2 weeks and she can read simple words and stories. She is still far too slow to really enjoy it - so she doesn't want to much - but I am encouraging her to try some every day so she gets better. She loves doing school now - in fact, I had to put down my foot and say we could only do school 2 days a week, because she would do school 7 days a week and kill me if I let her. I am trying to be more intentional about setting limits in my life in general, so this is good practice. Her preschool begins in a month, and I think that will help keep her busy and not bored. I hope. She is really fun to teach, very enthusiastic, cooperative - but the non-stop go, go, go of her little mind wears me out!

The title of this post refers to W and the church - it was a rough winter, things got better in the spring, but the last couple of weeks have been hellish again. So much anxiety flying around, and leadership that doesn't know or want to follow the rules they wrote, and a church that doesn't know how to communicate effectively at all - add some drama queens in and you've got the nightmare W is in right now. He is really down about it and I'm worried about him. So, prayers appreciated. He still feels called to be here - but it's hard stuff.

Not dead....

Just in case anyone wondered. I realize it's been quite awhile, so here are some bullet updates and a few pictures.

• Trip back east was a mix of best and worst. Great times in Ohio with good friends, enjoyable weekend preaching at the church I attended in college. Time with Dad - awful. Still processing where to go next in that relationship - deeply concerned for my Dad, as he is majorly depressed and not in treatment, not sure what I can/should do. Trying to be the daughter and not the pastor is sometimes hard. Even harder several hundred miles away with someone who doesn't want to talk. At all.
• It is hot here. Really hot. Actually cooler this week than last, only 90's not 100+. And dry - I never had dry skin in the summer until moving to Utah. Took the girls up to do a short walk behind Snowbird (1 mile with no real elevation change). It's much cooler 5000 feet up, you know.
  
• C. is now talking much more. Finally. In somewhat understandable English. She knows animals and animal sounds (as many as I can remember) and her colors. She loves bubbles. She loves to color with markers. Thank God for washable markers.
• I have started school with M. Her idea to start now - I was going to wait until fall. She loves it. She is writing and doing basic math and starting to read. It is so exciting to see her fall in love with learning. I have decided that I am going to do my best to not require her to learn anything that isn't applicable to real life - we don't do random worksheets to fill time, we play with things and explore and discover. Someone remind me of this commitment when I forget, okay?
• M. has also suddenly grown an inch or so. Mostly since our trip. Fortunately, it's summer and shorts can be a bit shorter than planned when you're 4 years old (right?).
• I did not get the Stated Clerk job I applied for. And I'm glad. Much more to write about my state of mind and learning to love this life I've chosen, but that will be another post.
  
• Here are 2 of the costumes I made back in May. The first is one of the Autumn fairy dresses, the second is one of the Spring/summer fairy skirts. It was so neat to go to the dress rehearsal, help these 90-100 kids into their costumes and see their eyes light up at how pretty they looked and how excited they were to dance on stage. I think the thank yous from the Winter fairies may have been my favorite - they were a class of 3 and 4 year olds that I made simple wings for - basically a half circle of fabric with elastic loops on either end of the straight line for them to put their hands through. Another mom sewed a strip of fake fur around the curve to make it look more wintery - they came running up to me in a group and almost knocked me over saying thank you and giving me hugs. Very, very sweet.
• A picture of C. home again with Daddy - quite cute.
• Finally, a picture of the girls from this week - both in pigtails.
• And another - because they are so danged cute. Even if C. looks even more eerily like her uncle R. (W.'s younger brother) with her hair in pigtails.
• Happy July!

Time for dinner now.

Sewing

This is my sewing machine. I've spent a lot of time here lately. Saturday, for instance, I sewed 9 dresses to be costumes for M's dance concert next Saturday. They are made of silk - beautiful fabric with a great drape - but slippery at you know what. So slippery that my machine was having trouble sewing with it - the feed dogs couldn't keep a grip on the fabric, so my seams were a bit puckered.
(For those who don't sew and have absolutely no idea what I just said - a sewing machine's feed dogs are the parts that lift up from under the needle to grab the fabric and move it through the machine at the proper pace. If the fabric doesn't go at the right pace for the stitch and speed you are using, your stitches will be uneven and the tension of the top and bottom threads won't be right and so the finished seam won't lay flat.)


This is what a pile of silk scraps leftover from cutting out 9 dresses looks like. Actually, this is what it looks like after your 4 and 1/2 year old daughter takes your fabric shears and cuts them up into smaller pieces, but you get the idea.


This yellow fabric is actually cut into squares now - it will be 10 skirts.


These are the rainbow fairy scarves - we dyed them yesterday. They are silk also - I think they turned out really pretty. Each one is a different pattern of colors....


This is all the rest of the silk we dyed yesterday - blue scarves for the dancers who will be toys, rainbow fairy pants, and autumn fairy dresses (those are the ones I made). I'm really happy with how bright and bold the colors came out. (They are all bunched up in the sink here because I had to rinse the dye out this morning - which I did in the shower with a detachable nozzle head - and they are now waiting to be washed. Of course, I forgot to bring home the special soap I need to use, so they will have to be washed after I run out this afternoon.)


My hands hurt. But it is very rewarding to take a pile of fabrics and turn them into something beautiful. I can't wait to see the dancers in them! And I will try to take pictures of the finished products....

A big step

Well, life is still busy. I often think "I could blog about that" but blogging involves turning on the laptop and sitting down to type without C. coming over and pushing the power button (one of her latest tricks) so I don't actually do it much. However, I had to post tonight - C. used the potty for the first time before bed tonight!
I am so amazed - this was truly all her idea. She was in the bathroom - I was trying to get M. ready for bed as well. I had just changed C's diaper and she started tugging at it and then pointing at the toilet and trying to lift up the lid. (Which we keep closed unless in use to prevent "accidental drownings" of important objects. We haven't lost anything we wanted down a toilet yet and I'd like to keep it that way...) She is still not very verbal - but I looked at her and said "do you need to go potty?" And she nodded her head yes. I told her to wait a minute, went into her room and pulled M's old potty chair out of the closet, took it into the bathroom and helped C. take off the still-dry diaper and sit down. She sat there for a minute and then pointed to the roll of toilet paper. I asked if she was all done, she nodded yes, so I gave her some paper - and when she stood up to wipe, she had actually gone in the potty!
I have to say that I was thinking she was almost ready last week, because she knows when she needs to go, will ask for a clean diaper, and has learned from watching me and her big sister the basics of what needs to happen - but I had decided to wait to actually introduce the potty until after our June trip - I guess I have been overruled. We will have to see how interested she is tomorrow - M. started potty training at about this age and in a similar fashion and was completely out of diapers during the day by the time she was 2 years one month old - and while I will not push C. (pushing a kid to train when he/she isn't ready and interested is the number one way to cause major, major problems) I must say that I would be so happy to be done changing diapers during the day 9 months from now!

On a totally, totally separate topic - I think I am going to apply for the Stated Clerk's position for my presbytery. It is part-time, averaging 10 hours a week, and for a 10 month term right now because the presbytery is in the middle of a redesign process and is reevaluating how we do staffing. I started filling out a PIF today - I haven't made a final decision to turn it in, but I am leaning towards it. There is lots more backstory about this - but it will have to wait for later, as I am tired and going to bed.

Right after I post a picture - I know that's the most exciting part of this blog, anyway....eating vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce for bedtime snack. This is an important life skill to learn, right?
I did M.'s hair in french braids for the first time this day - they were falling out pretty badly by bedtime, but it was cute I thought - C's hair isn't long enough for much yet....soon, though.

Life is good

busy as heck, but good. My mom is here and getting settled in. We are enjoying having her close by to babysit a few times a week (and C. now will sometimes say goodbye to me when grandma is here and not throw a holy fit when I leave. Not all the time, but sometimes. Progress!) I am realizing again how lucky I am to have parents who respect our parenting choices and don't undermine them - and therefore I can trust them with my kids without all the drama I have heard from others. It is a gift. My mom is the only one close enough to watch the girls regularly, but the same can be said for my dad and W's mom (and his dad before his dad died).
I am beginning to think spring will never come. There are daffodils in bloom in our neighborhood - and we are supposed to get snow flurries again tonight. I am ready for consistent warm weather....which will probably get here in July when it's in the 90's and above for weeks straight.
I'm also craving some closure on something - my life seems to be filled with on-going, unfinished projects - several of which are going to be very long-term and not entirely in my control. And I want to finish something. My "J" is asserting itself and it is grouchy! Hopefully I'll have time to finish the sundresses I'm making for the girls this week - that will be something completed.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries....

COM met again today. I (obviously) can't say much about what went on - but I will say this:
1. Boundaries, people. If you are in ministry, and don't understand the concept, get help. Please. For your own sake and for the sake of Christ's church.
2. COM is exhausting and energizing at the same time. I am tired, yet satisfied that the decisions we made today, while hard in many cases, will bring healing and hope to troubled pastors and congregations. Or at least have the potential to assist in bringing healing and hope. Actually bringing it is Jesus' job, I guess - so I won't claim any committee is doing it.
3. The church needs polity geeks like me. This is a part of my calling - and the energizing part of my day comes from knowing my gifts are being well used in this work.
4. My sympathies to any who have served or will serve on COM in larger presbyteries. We only have 23 churches in my presbytery - something like 27 actively serving ministers of Word and Sacrament and maybe 6-8 minister members-at-large (like me). There are presbyteries with over 100 churches - I don't know how those COM's can function.

Other notes:
1. C. learned a new trick yesterday - which I think took about 3 years off my life the first time she did it. She has figured out how to climb up the climber/slide we have in our backyard. The platform is about 3 feet off the ground - and she scales the mini-rock-climbing side to get up. And then goes down the slide half on her back and half on her butt. It is quite cute, actually - and she is so, so, so proud of herself - now that I am reasonably sure she can do it without falling off and killing herself.
2. We are settling back into our normal routine. Having my mom and aunt here last week really threw us off. Not that I didn't want them to come - but my girls are so sensitive to any change in their environment - positive or negative - that having visitors in Holy Week was really hard and resulted in many nights of frequent wakings. M. especially is affected by this - and we learned that she is now too big to come to bed with us, as she kicked (by accident - she was tossing and turning) W. in a very sensitive spot at 2 a.m. one night. Oops. Potential downside of co-sleeping. No lasting damage to W. or M. - and we are now back to sleeping normally. Thank God. (I need my sleep).
3. I am excited about the potential for new friends here - in the spouses of 2 newer members of the presbytery who are also in my general area and have young kids. I am hoping we can start a playgroup or something soon for time to get to know each other. It would be so nice to have friends here who I don't have to do the "pastor's wife who is also a pastor" dance with.
4. Having my mom closer has brought up so much emotional junk - we are in the process of re-negiotiating our relationship, and that is tiring. It is going well - she has made the decision to intentionally seek out a church home that is not W's church so she has some separation from us - and we are all (well, the adults anyway) aware of the need to set healthy patterns, etc. now - but still, exhausting. And yet, I am reminding myself through this process of the many ways I choose to be me - not my mother - and that is good. And I have the opportunity to have an adult relationship with her - she did not get this with her mother (my grandmother died when I was 3 1/2 years old). And it is a gift.
5. We are continuing to discern where we will put M. in school. I am waiting for a call back from the woman who did IQ and achievement testing for her to set up an appointment to go over the test results. I could write a short book on our decision to go ahead and do testing now - but I am not sure if anyone is interested. If you are, leave a comment and I will write more about it. So we are waiting to get those results - but I am still pondering. The public schools are transitioning to a different gifted program - aimed to really target the top 3-5 % of kids - instead of the broader, high achievement program they currently have (which aims to target the top 15-20% of kids). There are all sorts of issues in this, which I won't delineate now so as not to bore you to tears, but the end result is that I am not sure I can trust the public schools to meet M.'s needs. And she will be starting school right in the middle of this big change in program - not sure if I have the energy to put into being her advocate through that with an un-tested program. (And I hope that doesn't sound too snotty - I don't mean to be - I'm just trying to honestly feel out where I can put my energy) Charter schools are another option here - and there are some really good ones that I would be happy to have her in - ones that use proven methods of differentiated instruction (which means that the teachers teach kids in small group at their level - so the slower learners aren't left in the dust and the faster learners aren' t bored to tears - it takes very dedicated teachers to do this, but when done well the results are very much worth it). However, the charter that would be our first choice based on distance (we would have to provide transportation, so distance is an issue to consider) had 150 applicants for 10 kindergarten spots last year. The other options have similar numbers. So, I am hesitant to plan on that - too much uncertainty. (that's my inner J asserting itself, I think). Private schools are simply too expensive, unless I suddenly found a great paying job - which is not too likely (there will be some ministry jobs open up in the next few years here that would be doable from a location standpoint, but none would meet the "great paying" requirement). So, it is looking more and more like homeschooling may be the best option.
6. This (homeschooling) fills me with terror and joy, in alternating and equal measure. We have already decided that I will start to do "kindergarten" with M. 2 days a week in the fall. She will be in pre-school 2 days a week, at a new school. The new school teaches phonics in her class and basic math - some academics mixed with lots of hands-on and free-play time. I really and truly believe M. is ready for that and will thrive there. She will go on Tuesdays and Thursdays for 2 1/2 hours each day. Mondays and Wednesdays I will do "school" with her at home - for kindergarten, this means about 10 - 15 minutes of reading (her to me), similar time for math, a few minutes of handwriting (which she actually already does on a regular basis of her own initiative - she will happily sit for 20-25 minutes at a stretch and ask me to spell words out for her to write down.) and as much reading aloud of various books (novels, science books, etc.) as we can manage. I would love to also do art and something for music and science experiments and a study of world cultures - but those will wait until I make sure we aren't going to kill each other with the basics. I am thinking that the basics will be an hour or so a day - we will see how much time we want to fill with other pursuits.

And now, it is quite late, so I will post and then sleep. More to come.....

Happy Easter!

to one and all. I have much to write, but not much time, so I will try to get on again soon with a fuller update. My mom and her sister have been here since Tuesday night. Mom's moving truck was supposed to be here by Monday at the latest - it will not be here before next Thursday. Moving nightmares.....So, it is crazy here (nothing really new in that) but we are surviving. I wanted to post a picture of M. with her Easter eggs she dyed this afternoon, and a cute one of C. - here they are....
They are having lots of fun this Easter - and it is neat for me to see M. start to really understand the story of Easter. We've talked this week about Maundy Thursday and Good Friday and what happened on those days and why - She is really excited about the whole deal - makes a pastor mom proud....
I have much more to blog, but must go finish hemming my new skirt to wear tomorrow and then get to bed. Hopefully soon I can do a major update. Someday, I plan to blog more frequently - much goes through my head that I think, "that would make a great post" - but getting it typed into the computer doesn't always happen. I also have been thinking about responses to 2 memes that More Cows tagged me for - my answers are coming!

What a week

It has been, indeed. Last week, I led the PW Bible study on Tuesday, had a COM meeting on Wednesday (that went surprisingly well - but left me exhausted. I really am an introvert - 5 hours straight of talking to adults, while a welcome break from full-time mommyhood, leaves me exhausted.), had my annual appointment with my pulminalogist on Thursday, and then a consult on having M. evaluated for giftedness on Friday. COM, the doctor, and the evaluation were all a good 45 minute one-way drive, which now seems like forever. I know I shouldn't complain - 2 years ago I was living in a small town and had to drive at least 45 minutes to everything - but I have gotten spoiled living in the suburbs these last 18+ months. Anyway, as if that wasn't enough in one week, I had a PW Council meeting on Saturday and preached on Sunday. So, I have come to the realization that - for this time of my life - 6 days straight of commitments is too much. I used to do this and more week in and week out - but the demands of my life are so different now.
So, today began the at-home catch up. Laundry is done for the week, just needs to be put away in the morning (I finished folding after the girls were in bed, and I won't go into their rooms for fear of waking them up unless the house is on fire. Literally.) I have picked up and vacuumed the living room, and cleaned the kitchen. Tomorrow I need to change sheets on the beds, mop the dining room (this is where C. eats all her meals - it needs to be mopped. Badly.), and vacuum the play/sew area in the basement. It is nice to have non-mentally challenging work to do after a week of much head-time. And it is relaxing to me to see the house come into some semblance of order again after a week of chaos. By tomorrow night I need to shift back into getting ready to preach on March 9.
In other news, my mom signed the papers to buy her condo here today. She will be here by Easter. I almost wish she wasn't coming until after Easter, as the time right before is so busy for us, and her sister is driving out with her and will be here for a couple of days to help her get settled - but, what will be will be. It will be nice to have her closer - M. is so excited about this she can hardly stand it. She can't talk about Grandma C. moving here to "Salt City" without jumping up and down. Quite cute, especially when she does this without knocking her sister over.... :)
C. is just so cute herself these days. She is so proud of herself for everything still, and is really starting to communicate so much more. C. still doesn't talk much - not at all really - but in the last few days she has started to make sounds repeatedly like she is trying to say certain words. "Cat" is the most frequent attempt. She loves our cats. Someday, they will love her back....
Oh, and I finished my new purse. Not sure I love it for me - I like it, but it is quite bright. I am thinking I might like it better in different colors. So, I am using it for now and thinking about if I will keep it. 2 things didn't turn out quite right - I added pockets on the lining to hold pens, lip gloss, my phone, and my inhaler - so I don't have to dig for them. They are up kind of high, though, so if I make another one I will move them down lower. It makes it hard to close the purse clasp where they are. Also, I sewed the handles on backwards. This is the kind of thing no one else would notice, but I did. Of course, I noticed after I had gotten to the point that changing them would mean taking out 3 seams of very tiny stitching - so they will stay backwards. I will try to post a picture or two soon. One thing I do love is that I lined it in bright yellow fabric, so it is very easy to see inside.
One final celebration - I am wearing a pair of jeans today that has not fit since before I got pregnant with C. It has taken a year to get back into them, but I did it. I still need to lose about 15 pounds - but I am quite happy about this milestone.
Once again, probably more details than you may want to know. I am now off to bed.

Monday, Monday

So, M. was fine today. It always amazes me how quickly she can bounce back from illness. She is rarely down for more than 24 hours. Yesterday, she took a 3 1/2 hour nap in the afternoon and woke up quite chipper. She slept well last night, and today you could hardly tell she'd been sick at all. Now as long as no one else in the family gets sick, we are in good shape.
I should say, as long as no one else gets the puking sick, we are in good shape, as I am coming down with a respiratory bug. Which wouldn't be bad if it didn't mean my asthma was kicking in again. So, I have a call in for an appointment at my pulmonologist this week. I don't want to let this go and be sick for weeks like I was at one point last fall - I am trying to learn to take care of myself.
On the sewing front, I made M.'s belt - so now we will see if she will wear it. I made it from a European pattern, so it was in centimeters and I had to convert to inches - and I messed up and made the seam allowances 1/8 of an inch to narrow. Which doesn't seem like much, except that the belt is supposed to be 1 inch wide and it is now 1 and 1/4 inches wide. So, we will see if M. likes and will wear it. If not, well, I think I spent a grand total of $2 on it - so, no worries. And I will pay more attention to my math when converting in the future. 1 cm is more like 3/8 inch - not 1/4....
Off to bed now.

Sick day

For M., not me. She woke up and threw up this morning, and then did so 4 more times before she went down for an afternoon nap about an hour ago. I am hoping it's just a short viral bug. And that no one else gets it. She is still pretty chipper in between bouts, so that gives me hope that it will be over soon.
Poor C. can't figure out what's going on. First, M. got a bath this morning and she didn't (they usually take baths one after the other or together - and C. loves, loves, loves the water) and then Mommy would cuddle with M. and not let C. up - because M. was vomiting again. Normally I try to let C. join whatever M. and I are doing - C. usually looses interest in about 2 minutes and gets down to play again - but today I had to keep her away from the action.
So, now I am off to scrub and sanitize the bath tub. You really don't want to know details.....

Religious Education

For all those who are religious, of the Judeo-Christian strand, check out this. Especially the "bag of plagues." Think we could hand those out at our community Easter egg hunt this year?

eta: link is fixed - sorry about that!

Saturday Night

So, I have to say that the sound of my 2 girls snoring in rhythm is one of the sweetest sounds in the universe. C. stirred just as M. was ready to go to sleep, and I had already promised M. to sit in her room until she went to sleep tonight, so I rocked C. sitting on the end of M.'s bed - and they were both out in about 3 minutes. So sweet.
I went fabric shopping today. Many of the local stores were having President's Day sales - so the girls and I hit 3 stores looking for fabrics for spring/summer clothes. I got a bit stir-crazy this last week and decided that since it won't stop snowing here - I need to do something to bring on spring. So, I have fabric for:

-a new fabric purse for me.
-a skirt for me (blue tiny floral print.)
-matching pink capri pants and white/pink print tops for the girls
-purple print for sundresses for the girls
-one pair blue and one pair purple pajama pants for M., maybe for C. (not sure if there will be enough so I may need different fabric for C.)
-a purple belt for M. (need to make this first - she is so skinny that her pants are always falling down. Hopefully a belt will help - at least with the pants that have belt loops..... :) )
-knit fabric to make pajama tops for summer (have to brag that this was an insanely good deal - $.99 a yard and it takes just over a yard for one top for each girl - )

I think that is everything. I have figured out how to set up my new cutting table that I got for Christmas - it's a fold down table that is about waist high and about 4 ft. by 6 ft. when set up. I can spread out fabric and patterns to cut it out without crawling on the floor, getting "help" from the girls, and worrying about pins getting stuck in little feet. Now I just have to keep the pins in the pin cushion on the table. I also have a new gigantic cutting mat to go on top of it - so I can use my rotary cutter - and again, keep it out of little hands. (If you don't sew and haven't a clue what a rotary cutter is, think a small pizza cutter with an incredibly sharp blade used to cut fabric. Much faster than scissors for cutting things out fabric.)

So, we may have snow until July at this point - but I don't care. I will be hiding in my basement sewing/play room and dreaming of warmer days until they come (in between all the other stuff I have to do....)
(And we won't have snow until July - it just feels like it right now)

Life - an update

I've been MIA here for awhile - almost a month. Life has been busy. I'll try to give a brief update on all facets.
C. is now 1 year old - her birthday was the 19th of January. We had quiet day at home - my mom was in town visiting (more on that in a minute) so we stayed home, and spent the day opening presents and eating cake. It was a fun day - she was thrilled with the wrapping paper. It was so cute to watch her walk up to one present, tear off a piece of wrapping paper, then turn around to another present, do the same thing, etc. Wrapped empty boxes would have been enough for her, I think. The toys inside were a bonus.
I think I had forgotten just how much fun it is to have a one-year-old around. I could just sit and watch C. all day - she toddles around (we jokingly call it the drunken sailor walk, but she is now faster on her feet than crawling - look out, world!) and finds something she thinks is just fascinating. It could be a toy, a scrap of paper on the floor, a pen, who knows. She will pick this amazing object up, and look to another person in the room and just grin the biggest grin you have ever seen and walk up to that person to show off her treasure. She offers it to you for a brief (very, very brief) second and then goes off to find either another admirer or another treasure. The world is all new in her eyes.
C. also adores beyond belief her big sister M. M. is alternately appreciative and annoyed by this adoration - but C. loves to follow M. around and generally get right in the middle of whatever M. is doing and cause havoc. Balancing including C. with allowing M. time alone is a big job these days, but it's fun.
One year olds are also so much easier than infants to care for. C. still needs lots of attention, but she will play quietly for a few minutes while I change laundry or clean something or do dishes - I have hope the house will look reasonable again at some point in the relatively near future. I have said before that there is a good reason the first year of parenting goes by so fast - and I love babies, but they are exhausting.
M. is now sleeping much better overall. Her sleep is still disturbed by changes in routine, like visiting grandparents, but more often than not she sleeps well and calmly, which is a huge milestone and huge relief for us. She is so independent now, and loves to help. And she actually can help - she cleans up when she spills her drink and I don't have to sneak in a clean-up of her attempt anymore. She loves to move clothes from the washer to the dryer and the dryer to the basket to fold and is quite good at sorting and matching socks and folding her own underwear. She really can dress herself and do the tasks of getting ready for bed - we still have to keep on top of her with reminders of what comes next, but she can do 90 percent of it herself, which is huge (especially on nights when W. has meetings and I'm doing bedtime solo).
We have made the decision of what to do for M. for school in the fall in the last month. Some background on this is needed for it all to make sense, I think. M. has been going to a good preschool located in a Methodist church in our neighborhood. She adored it last year when she was in the 2 1/2 to 3 year old class. This year she is in the 3 to 4 year old class and it hasn't been as great a year. She still has a good teacher - the same one as last year actually - but there have been some issues with negative behavior from other kids effecting her and she is not being challenged there. This school follows the "let kids play and don't force academics on them too early" school of thought, which I generally agree with - but M. is ready for more. We are realizing more and more how smart she is - and she wants to learn. I don't see why we should hold her back from learning if she is eager and excited to do it. So, we are moving her to another preschool for next year. The new school does phonics instruction with the class she will be in, as well as basic math and the typical preschool play time and snack, etc. They are more of a "challenge the kids in a supportive environment" sort of school. It will be more like kindergarten but in a 2 day a week preschool schedule. We think it will be a good balance for her energy levels (she is an introvert like her parents and too much time in groups really wears her out) and need for stimulation. The 2 day a week schedule also means we will have Fridays as family days again - that is W's day off and we've missed having that time together this year.
In addition to the preschool in the fall, we have also officially decided to have me start homeschooling M. on the days she's not in preschool. We're going to start kindergarten work and see what happens. This is for several reasons - including that we are seriously considering homeschooling for M. for elementary school and feel like we need to try it out before we have to do anything official. Worst case scenario - M. learns nothing from me next year - she won't be behind a bit because age-wise she won't be eligible for kindergarten until a year from this fall (Fall 2009) Also, if we find homeschooling makes me even more crazy than I already am and we can't swing it as a family - we have time to make other plans for the future. Equally important, we believe M. is really ready for more - and that she will really enjoy doing school with Mom.
On to other topics. We had a nice visit with my MIL right after Christmas. While she was here, she taught M. how to play Rummikub, which is an important family game in W's family. It really amazed her and us how quickly M. picked it up - and how quickly C. can destroy a game set up. (if you don't know it, this is a numbers game - there are tiles with numbers 1-13 in 4 colors and each player draws 14 to start. You must have runs of at least 3 to play - either of one color in numerical order or the same number and different colors. M. caught on right away and is surprisingly good considering her age). I really do love my MIL - she is a real example to me of what I hope to be like at her age - she started her PhD in Russian Lit. in her late 50's and is currently teaching (Serbo-Croatian this year) and starting her dissertation. She also teaches adult Sunday School, has lots of friends, sews, and does lots of other things.
Then, a week after MIL left, my mom came to visit - and to house-hunt. She has decided that Indiana - Utah is too much space between her and her precious granddaughters, so she is in the process of moving out here to be close to us. She found a condo she loves, made an offer, and it was accepted in less than 24 hours - this week. So, she is now starting to seriously hunt for a job - she has several possibilities - and plan her move.
On the church front, I have decided that for now I will not blog about it. The church world in this state is just too small for me to have any illusion of real illusion of anonymity. (There are 23 Presbyterian churches in Utah - and if you know them much at all you can tell which one is being referred to). W's church - and mine, as I am now a parish associate there - is starting to face some real issues that are bringing about conflict. It is hard - very hard, and frustrating at times - but W and I believe that the church will be the better for getting through all this muck. Eventually. I won't say more here, but prayers for the church would be appreciated. On a good church note - visitors are increasing. Another pastor in the valley commented to us that he has never served somewhere and seen so many visitors. Each week, he said, new people just keep coming through the door - people who want to hear the gospel. Most have a very small connection to his church - but they come anyway. And many keep coming. It's happening at our church, too - and it is really cool to see. I don't want to get into an anti-mormon rant here, but the message of the mormon church is, to me at least, profoundly un-Christian. There is a huge segment of society here that doesn't get grace at all - and many are hungry for that message. It is awe-inspiring to watch - and to know that lives are really being changed by the gospel.
I have some more thoughts about this blog and what I want it to be, but it is now past midnight my time and anyone who has read all of this deserves a medal. I'll save the rest for later - and I hope it's soon.

C. discovers chocolate

It was a hershey's kiss that fell on the floor and she found.

Not sure how she got the wrapper off....

Based on how much was on her face, hands, shirt, jeans, and the floor, I think she actually got about half of it into her stomach.

And just for comparison, here is M. eating chocolate for the first time. It was a small chocolate bunny at Easter.
M. was about 5-6 months older than C. is now - and neater. Didn't she have a darling Easter dress? Toddlers are so cute -

Oh, and if you look closely at the picture of C., you will see the evidence of her latest big fall on her forehead - she tipped a rocking chair over backwards today and hit her head on the coffee table going down. So now we have a nice bruise just in time for Grandma H., (my mil) to arrive tomorrow......

Hope all have had a good Christmas. I've been chasing little ones and had little time to blog...but it's been a pretty good week.

what a difference a few years makes....

I have been thinking a lot recently about how Christmas has changed for us over the last five years. Five years ago Christmas, we were in the middle of trying to get pregnant with M. I was so upset that I wasn't pregnant yet - I could not wait to have a child. Looking back, it was such a short wait for us. We were lucky (really lucky, as I have a pretty strong family history of infertility issues) it was only 5 months of trying until we were pregnant - but I remember that December was so awful. And I was a mess....
A year later, M. was almost 2 months old at Christmas. I was on my 3 month maternity leave. My parents and my brother came to our place for Christmas Eve and Day. I remember us opening presents - and M. had more than anyone else. We only got her 1 toy from Santa - she didn't need a thing - but between family and church members and such, she had a huge pile of gifts that we all opened for her. I have a wonderful picture of that Christmas of my parents and brother sitting on the couch in our (old) living room holding M. - that was our last Christmas before my parents separated. Looking back, it is bittersweet.
The next year, my parents were separated and we drove up to the city where they live after Christmas to see them. It was the first time we visited my mom in her new apartment, and I remember walking in the door and practically running to the bathroom and locking myself in and just bawling. My parents' separation and eventual divorce hit me like a ton of bricks. And yet that was a really fun Christmas - M. was a toddler and so sweet about opening presents and just found joy in everything. This was also the year of 12 inches of snow on December 23 and another 14 on Christmas Eve. We canceled Christmas Eve services because of the weather and bitter, bitter cold and W. made a good start on earning sainthood by shoveling my car out of our driveway, which was off an alley that also had to be shoveled out, so we could get to see my parents.
The next year was our last before moving out here. We again went to see my parents after Christmas. This year was easier for me emotionally. We had a good time with my dad's family at his house. I remember specifically my cousin's husband, who is a PCA pastor, telling us we probably wouldn't like to live in Utah because of the LDS environment. He had a friend who lived in Salt Lake doing ministry for 2 years and his friend hated it. It's interesting to see the difference one's theology and worldview make - we really like it here, but we're not convinced we have to convert the state to be successful - which is the ministry model this cousin and his friend share. (far too much stress for me, but that's another post) This was also a really fun Christmas with M. - at 2 she was even more excited about giving gifts and had fun playing with her second cousins at Grandpa's house.
Last year, we had our first Christmas in Utah. I was pregnant with C., and getting really tired of people asking if I thought I would make it to my due date. (I am 5'4", W. is 6'4". I am short-waisted, and our babies are tall. They have no where to go but out - and so I got really big bellies both times. This is just how it is, and the constant questioning from people who should have just kept their mouths shut really got to me. Can you tell?) M. was old enough to really help with some baking and wrapping and such, which was fun. I felt mentally frazzled trying to get ready for a baby and for Christmas at the same time. And it was hard to be so far from family and not see any of my family for Christmas. W's mom came out 2 days after Christmas to visit, though, so we did get to see some family.
This year, I am thankful that C. has not yet started pulling ornaments off the tree. (we put the tree up on Friday) She is into everything these days. I am looking forward to Christmas morning - watching the girls open presents will be fun. I am sad that none of my family can be here - but, we can't really travel to them easily either. And my mil is coming again right after Christmas. And my mom is coming in January (to house-hunt - she is moving here in February/March - again, another post) And I am feeling more settled.
And, I am passing on baby stuff. The majority of the baby stuff we have is stuff we were given. We are pretty sure we are done with babies, and our church is buying Christmas presents for about 10 moms and their kids at a meth recovery group home - and 3 of those kids are babies who have very, very little. And so, in between finishing up shopping and wrapping and mailing cards this week, I am sorting baby clothes and such - giving thanks for my babies, remembering the Baby of the season, thinking of those waiting for their own babies, and praying for all those babies who have so little in this world, and feeling a chapter of my life closing. Joy, hope, love, peace - my Christmas will have all of those. And I pray, and I fold little outfits and bag them up, that they will bring the same to the moms and babies who receive.