"Pretty"

So, I had an interesting time at church this morning. I should start by saying I am only at W's church about 1/2 of the time now - through December probably I am preaching at other churches 2 Sundays a month. And lots of people that I saw this morning hadn't seen me in awhile - they were at church the Sundays I was preaching elsewhere this summer, and on vacation when I was there. But about 10 or 12 people came up to me and commented on how pretty I looked today. It kind of took me by surprise. I mean, I don't honestly remember anyone commenting specifically on my looks at this church before - except for when it became obvious I was pregnant with C. and I got some comments about my cute baby belly. That was different. This was, hmmm..... hard to describe.
I should say that these comments all came from presumably straight women - it wasn't a sexual thing. It was just interesting. And brought up how many issues I still have about my looks. I have learned to just smile and say thank you when someone compliments me (this took a lot of learning on my part - ) but I still wonder to myself - do I really look that nice?
I remember back to junior high and high school when I would literally (unconsciously) hide under big sweaters and such. I remember in college, literally bawling when W. told me that he thought I was beautiful - I had never seen that in myself before he said it. (I also never dated anyone other than W. - so it's not like I had lots of negative input from previous significant others - I was just always the brain with no romantic social life). As an adult, I have worked hard to become comfortable in my own body - to love my self and to present my self in a way that is both comfortable and attractive. So why does it throw me when others notice?
I have been thinking about all this from another angle as I have been working on getting fall and winter clothes ready for M. and C. If I haven't mentioned it before, M and C are both tall - really tall. M. is in size 7/8 tops this winter - which means I now have to shop for her in the girls 7-14 department - which has been a real challenge so far. I don't consider myself a prude or anything - but most of the clothes in the girls 7-14 department look like they belong on middle schoolers - not a preschooler. I mean, she's not even in kindergarten yet. I am not going to allow her to dress like a pre-teenager. So, finding clothes for M. is proving a challenge. I keep saying this is why I sew - I am making her several tops that are (hopefully) cute and age-appropriate and not going to be midriff showing in January. And I want her to feel comfortable in her clothes - in her skin. I want her to grow up knowing how beautiful she is.
In other general life news, fall is here even though I am not ready. M's dance class starts tomorrow. Her preschool started last week. I think we have made a good choice for her this year - she came home from preschool on Thursday talking a million miles a minute about everything they did, with great enthusiam. Always a good sign. C. is now out of diapers during the day and doing quite well - never let it be said that she is not determined. C. is also really talking now. W. made the comment the other day that if there were a conversation balloon over C's head, everything in it would be in all caps with multiple exclamation points. And he's right - no shortage of enthusiam in C. either.
And now, it's time for bed for the munchkins. 'Til later.....

????

Not sure what to title this - more random reflections, I guess.
It was so interesting to watch the Olympic opening ceremony with M. This is the first time she's been old enough to understand any of the Olympics. And with a dad who's a big sports fan in general, and who was a competitive athlete in several sports in high school, she's enjoyed the whole thing. And we've had some interesting discussions about the world, different countries, why China isn't like the US, etc. I am finding it harder and harder to always answer her questions about things like that - the presidential campaign this fall will be interesting from that standpoint.
On another M. front, have to share this story, which also involves something she's picked up from dad - the use of 4-letter words. Monday night, she was pretty tired after dinner and mad at C. over something I couldn't figure out (I'm thinking at the moment it was something like C. was still breathing, but still). C. had to go potty. So, we were in the bathroom and M. comes in and takes off her sandal and throws it across the room into our bedroom (the bedroom and bathroom connect). I then calmly asked her if she was going to go on our walk tonight or not (we usually take a short family walk with the dog every night). She looked at me and screamed/growled "YES!" so I told her she needed to go get her sandal and put it back on. Then the real battle of wills began. She was convinced that I would either get her sandal or put it on for her. I told her no, if she was going to go on the walk, she needed to do what I asked her to and put it on. I think I also reminded her that it would still be on her foot if she hadn't been so into throwing a fit (which didn't do anything to help her calm down - but I managed to keep calm myself). Finally, C. was finished, I went to get their pajamas, fully ready to just put them to bed (C. has also been fighting off a cold and pretty tired) and M. stood up and got her sandal and brought it to me. I told her that the deal was she got it and she put it on and then we would go on the walk. So, after a minute of going back and forth over this detail, she sits down to put on the sandal, and while doing so looks up at me and says, "Sh!t! F@ck! Hell! Damn!" and probably a few others. All I could do was laugh. Which really confused M. - I think she was convinced this would throw gasoline on the fire so to speak. But it was so funny. She still has no idea what she really said -
W. of course, who is the source of this vocabulary for M., didn't hear any of it. When I told him about it, his response was, "So I either need to watch my mouth or teach her how to properly string them together, right?" Sigh from mom.
On to C. She has decided, as of Monday afternoon, that she does not wear diapers during the day anymore. For those who think an 18 month old is incapable of such sheer willpower and determination, may you never have a stubborn child. And she's done remarkably well so far with no diapers. If this takes, I will be a very happy mom.
I am amazed at the change in weather that August brings here. It is still hot - 90 plus today - but seems so much cooler than the 100 plus days we had in July. We are starting to have some cooler evenings again, which is nice. Soon it will be snowing, I know - so I'm trying to enjoy this.
Things at the church are marginally better. Not much - that will take much more time - but the key leadership is starting to see that W. is not the problem, he is the lighting rod for the anxiety that has been bred of year of mis-communication and indecisiveness and "trying to be nice to everyone" disease (where we want to be nice so we let certain people run roughshod over the rest of the congregation instead of just saying no to their latest outrageous scheme.) No, W. is not perfect - but he is far from their greatest problem. And just dumping on him isn't going to solve anything. Now, we just need this newfound enlightenment to trickle down to the rest of the congregation.
Well, it's late. Time for sleep. Tomorrow is another day....

Rough Times

So, time for my once-a-month update. The girls are fine. Growing like weeds - and now C is old enough to really annoy her sister when she wants to - so sibling issues are cropping up more, but they also really love each other. And it's neat to see them play together more and more. C is also talking more and more. She started saying "anks Mama" on her own - (for "Thanks, Mama") when ever I give her anything. It's really cute. And she will say "anks" when she gives you something as well. In fact, she was "helping" me and M clean the bathroom this week by handing the things on the counter to M who then handed them to me to put out of the way (Did you know it can take 10 minutes or more to clean off a bathroom counter? Don't you want help like mine? :) ) and with every item she said "anks!"
M. is now reading. It has suddenly clicked over the last 2 weeks and she can read simple words and stories. She is still far too slow to really enjoy it - so she doesn't want to much - but I am encouraging her to try some every day so she gets better. She loves doing school now - in fact, I had to put down my foot and say we could only do school 2 days a week, because she would do school 7 days a week and kill me if I let her. I am trying to be more intentional about setting limits in my life in general, so this is good practice. Her preschool begins in a month, and I think that will help keep her busy and not bored. I hope. She is really fun to teach, very enthusiastic, cooperative - but the non-stop go, go, go of her little mind wears me out!

The title of this post refers to W and the church - it was a rough winter, things got better in the spring, but the last couple of weeks have been hellish again. So much anxiety flying around, and leadership that doesn't know or want to follow the rules they wrote, and a church that doesn't know how to communicate effectively at all - add some drama queens in and you've got the nightmare W is in right now. He is really down about it and I'm worried about him. So, prayers appreciated. He still feels called to be here - but it's hard stuff.

A big step

Well, life is still busy. I often think "I could blog about that" but blogging involves turning on the laptop and sitting down to type without C. coming over and pushing the power button (one of her latest tricks) so I don't actually do it much. However, I had to post tonight - C. used the potty for the first time before bed tonight!
I am so amazed - this was truly all her idea. She was in the bathroom - I was trying to get M. ready for bed as well. I had just changed C's diaper and she started tugging at it and then pointing at the toilet and trying to lift up the lid. (Which we keep closed unless in use to prevent "accidental drownings" of important objects. We haven't lost anything we wanted down a toilet yet and I'd like to keep it that way...) She is still not very verbal - but I looked at her and said "do you need to go potty?" And she nodded her head yes. I told her to wait a minute, went into her room and pulled M's old potty chair out of the closet, took it into the bathroom and helped C. take off the still-dry diaper and sit down. She sat there for a minute and then pointed to the roll of toilet paper. I asked if she was all done, she nodded yes, so I gave her some paper - and when she stood up to wipe, she had actually gone in the potty!
I have to say that I was thinking she was almost ready last week, because she knows when she needs to go, will ask for a clean diaper, and has learned from watching me and her big sister the basics of what needs to happen - but I had decided to wait to actually introduce the potty until after our June trip - I guess I have been overruled. We will have to see how interested she is tomorrow - M. started potty training at about this age and in a similar fashion and was completely out of diapers during the day by the time she was 2 years one month old - and while I will not push C. (pushing a kid to train when he/she isn't ready and interested is the number one way to cause major, major problems) I must say that I would be so happy to be done changing diapers during the day 9 months from now!

On a totally, totally separate topic - I think I am going to apply for the Stated Clerk's position for my presbytery. It is part-time, averaging 10 hours a week, and for a 10 month term right now because the presbytery is in the middle of a redesign process and is reevaluating how we do staffing. I started filling out a PIF today - I haven't made a final decision to turn it in, but I am leaning towards it. There is lots more backstory about this - but it will have to wait for later, as I am tired and going to bed.

Right after I post a picture - I know that's the most exciting part of this blog, anyway....eating vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce for bedtime snack. This is an important life skill to learn, right?
I did M.'s hair in french braids for the first time this day - they were falling out pretty badly by bedtime, but it was cute I thought - C's hair isn't long enough for much yet....soon, though.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries....

COM met again today. I (obviously) can't say much about what went on - but I will say this:
1. Boundaries, people. If you are in ministry, and don't understand the concept, get help. Please. For your own sake and for the sake of Christ's church.
2. COM is exhausting and energizing at the same time. I am tired, yet satisfied that the decisions we made today, while hard in many cases, will bring healing and hope to troubled pastors and congregations. Or at least have the potential to assist in bringing healing and hope. Actually bringing it is Jesus' job, I guess - so I won't claim any committee is doing it.
3. The church needs polity geeks like me. This is a part of my calling - and the energizing part of my day comes from knowing my gifts are being well used in this work.
4. My sympathies to any who have served or will serve on COM in larger presbyteries. We only have 23 churches in my presbytery - something like 27 actively serving ministers of Word and Sacrament and maybe 6-8 minister members-at-large (like me). There are presbyteries with over 100 churches - I don't know how those COM's can function.

Other notes:
1. C. learned a new trick yesterday - which I think took about 3 years off my life the first time she did it. She has figured out how to climb up the climber/slide we have in our backyard. The platform is about 3 feet off the ground - and she scales the mini-rock-climbing side to get up. And then goes down the slide half on her back and half on her butt. It is quite cute, actually - and she is so, so, so proud of herself - now that I am reasonably sure she can do it without falling off and killing herself.
2. We are settling back into our normal routine. Having my mom and aunt here last week really threw us off. Not that I didn't want them to come - but my girls are so sensitive to any change in their environment - positive or negative - that having visitors in Holy Week was really hard and resulted in many nights of frequent wakings. M. especially is affected by this - and we learned that she is now too big to come to bed with us, as she kicked (by accident - she was tossing and turning) W. in a very sensitive spot at 2 a.m. one night. Oops. Potential downside of co-sleeping. No lasting damage to W. or M. - and we are now back to sleeping normally. Thank God. (I need my sleep).
3. I am excited about the potential for new friends here - in the spouses of 2 newer members of the presbytery who are also in my general area and have young kids. I am hoping we can start a playgroup or something soon for time to get to know each other. It would be so nice to have friends here who I don't have to do the "pastor's wife who is also a pastor" dance with.
4. Having my mom closer has brought up so much emotional junk - we are in the process of re-negiotiating our relationship, and that is tiring. It is going well - she has made the decision to intentionally seek out a church home that is not W's church so she has some separation from us - and we are all (well, the adults anyway) aware of the need to set healthy patterns, etc. now - but still, exhausting. And yet, I am reminding myself through this process of the many ways I choose to be me - not my mother - and that is good. And I have the opportunity to have an adult relationship with her - she did not get this with her mother (my grandmother died when I was 3 1/2 years old). And it is a gift.
5. We are continuing to discern where we will put M. in school. I am waiting for a call back from the woman who did IQ and achievement testing for her to set up an appointment to go over the test results. I could write a short book on our decision to go ahead and do testing now - but I am not sure if anyone is interested. If you are, leave a comment and I will write more about it. So we are waiting to get those results - but I am still pondering. The public schools are transitioning to a different gifted program - aimed to really target the top 3-5 % of kids - instead of the broader, high achievement program they currently have (which aims to target the top 15-20% of kids). There are all sorts of issues in this, which I won't delineate now so as not to bore you to tears, but the end result is that I am not sure I can trust the public schools to meet M.'s needs. And she will be starting school right in the middle of this big change in program - not sure if I have the energy to put into being her advocate through that with an un-tested program. (And I hope that doesn't sound too snotty - I don't mean to be - I'm just trying to honestly feel out where I can put my energy) Charter schools are another option here - and there are some really good ones that I would be happy to have her in - ones that use proven methods of differentiated instruction (which means that the teachers teach kids in small group at their level - so the slower learners aren't left in the dust and the faster learners aren' t bored to tears - it takes very dedicated teachers to do this, but when done well the results are very much worth it). However, the charter that would be our first choice based on distance (we would have to provide transportation, so distance is an issue to consider) had 150 applicants for 10 kindergarten spots last year. The other options have similar numbers. So, I am hesitant to plan on that - too much uncertainty. (that's my inner J asserting itself, I think). Private schools are simply too expensive, unless I suddenly found a great paying job - which is not too likely (there will be some ministry jobs open up in the next few years here that would be doable from a location standpoint, but none would meet the "great paying" requirement). So, it is looking more and more like homeschooling may be the best option.
6. This (homeschooling) fills me with terror and joy, in alternating and equal measure. We have already decided that I will start to do "kindergarten" with M. 2 days a week in the fall. She will be in pre-school 2 days a week, at a new school. The new school teaches phonics in her class and basic math - some academics mixed with lots of hands-on and free-play time. I really and truly believe M. is ready for that and will thrive there. She will go on Tuesdays and Thursdays for 2 1/2 hours each day. Mondays and Wednesdays I will do "school" with her at home - for kindergarten, this means about 10 - 15 minutes of reading (her to me), similar time for math, a few minutes of handwriting (which she actually already does on a regular basis of her own initiative - she will happily sit for 20-25 minutes at a stretch and ask me to spell words out for her to write down.) and as much reading aloud of various books (novels, science books, etc.) as we can manage. I would love to also do art and something for music and science experiments and a study of world cultures - but those will wait until I make sure we aren't going to kill each other with the basics. I am thinking that the basics will be an hour or so a day - we will see how much time we want to fill with other pursuits.

And now, it is quite late, so I will post and then sleep. More to come.....

Religious Education

For all those who are religious, of the Judeo-Christian strand, check out this. Especially the "bag of plagues." Think we could hand those out at our community Easter egg hunt this year?

eta: link is fixed - sorry about that!

Life - an update

I've been MIA here for awhile - almost a month. Life has been busy. I'll try to give a brief update on all facets.
C. is now 1 year old - her birthday was the 19th of January. We had quiet day at home - my mom was in town visiting (more on that in a minute) so we stayed home, and spent the day opening presents and eating cake. It was a fun day - she was thrilled with the wrapping paper. It was so cute to watch her walk up to one present, tear off a piece of wrapping paper, then turn around to another present, do the same thing, etc. Wrapped empty boxes would have been enough for her, I think. The toys inside were a bonus.
I think I had forgotten just how much fun it is to have a one-year-old around. I could just sit and watch C. all day - she toddles around (we jokingly call it the drunken sailor walk, but she is now faster on her feet than crawling - look out, world!) and finds something she thinks is just fascinating. It could be a toy, a scrap of paper on the floor, a pen, who knows. She will pick this amazing object up, and look to another person in the room and just grin the biggest grin you have ever seen and walk up to that person to show off her treasure. She offers it to you for a brief (very, very brief) second and then goes off to find either another admirer or another treasure. The world is all new in her eyes.
C. also adores beyond belief her big sister M. M. is alternately appreciative and annoyed by this adoration - but C. loves to follow M. around and generally get right in the middle of whatever M. is doing and cause havoc. Balancing including C. with allowing M. time alone is a big job these days, but it's fun.
One year olds are also so much easier than infants to care for. C. still needs lots of attention, but she will play quietly for a few minutes while I change laundry or clean something or do dishes - I have hope the house will look reasonable again at some point in the relatively near future. I have said before that there is a good reason the first year of parenting goes by so fast - and I love babies, but they are exhausting.
M. is now sleeping much better overall. Her sleep is still disturbed by changes in routine, like visiting grandparents, but more often than not she sleeps well and calmly, which is a huge milestone and huge relief for us. She is so independent now, and loves to help. And she actually can help - she cleans up when she spills her drink and I don't have to sneak in a clean-up of her attempt anymore. She loves to move clothes from the washer to the dryer and the dryer to the basket to fold and is quite good at sorting and matching socks and folding her own underwear. She really can dress herself and do the tasks of getting ready for bed - we still have to keep on top of her with reminders of what comes next, but she can do 90 percent of it herself, which is huge (especially on nights when W. has meetings and I'm doing bedtime solo).
We have made the decision of what to do for M. for school in the fall in the last month. Some background on this is needed for it all to make sense, I think. M. has been going to a good preschool located in a Methodist church in our neighborhood. She adored it last year when she was in the 2 1/2 to 3 year old class. This year she is in the 3 to 4 year old class and it hasn't been as great a year. She still has a good teacher - the same one as last year actually - but there have been some issues with negative behavior from other kids effecting her and she is not being challenged there. This school follows the "let kids play and don't force academics on them too early" school of thought, which I generally agree with - but M. is ready for more. We are realizing more and more how smart she is - and she wants to learn. I don't see why we should hold her back from learning if she is eager and excited to do it. So, we are moving her to another preschool for next year. The new school does phonics instruction with the class she will be in, as well as basic math and the typical preschool play time and snack, etc. They are more of a "challenge the kids in a supportive environment" sort of school. It will be more like kindergarten but in a 2 day a week preschool schedule. We think it will be a good balance for her energy levels (she is an introvert like her parents and too much time in groups really wears her out) and need for stimulation. The 2 day a week schedule also means we will have Fridays as family days again - that is W's day off and we've missed having that time together this year.
In addition to the preschool in the fall, we have also officially decided to have me start homeschooling M. on the days she's not in preschool. We're going to start kindergarten work and see what happens. This is for several reasons - including that we are seriously considering homeschooling for M. for elementary school and feel like we need to try it out before we have to do anything official. Worst case scenario - M. learns nothing from me next year - she won't be behind a bit because age-wise she won't be eligible for kindergarten until a year from this fall (Fall 2009) Also, if we find homeschooling makes me even more crazy than I already am and we can't swing it as a family - we have time to make other plans for the future. Equally important, we believe M. is really ready for more - and that she will really enjoy doing school with Mom.
On to other topics. We had a nice visit with my MIL right after Christmas. While she was here, she taught M. how to play Rummikub, which is an important family game in W's family. It really amazed her and us how quickly M. picked it up - and how quickly C. can destroy a game set up. (if you don't know it, this is a numbers game - there are tiles with numbers 1-13 in 4 colors and each player draws 14 to start. You must have runs of at least 3 to play - either of one color in numerical order or the same number and different colors. M. caught on right away and is surprisingly good considering her age). I really do love my MIL - she is a real example to me of what I hope to be like at her age - she started her PhD in Russian Lit. in her late 50's and is currently teaching (Serbo-Croatian this year) and starting her dissertation. She also teaches adult Sunday School, has lots of friends, sews, and does lots of other things.
Then, a week after MIL left, my mom came to visit - and to house-hunt. She has decided that Indiana - Utah is too much space between her and her precious granddaughters, so she is in the process of moving out here to be close to us. She found a condo she loves, made an offer, and it was accepted in less than 24 hours - this week. So, she is now starting to seriously hunt for a job - she has several possibilities - and plan her move.
On the church front, I have decided that for now I will not blog about it. The church world in this state is just too small for me to have any illusion of real illusion of anonymity. (There are 23 Presbyterian churches in Utah - and if you know them much at all you can tell which one is being referred to). W's church - and mine, as I am now a parish associate there - is starting to face some real issues that are bringing about conflict. It is hard - very hard, and frustrating at times - but W and I believe that the church will be the better for getting through all this muck. Eventually. I won't say more here, but prayers for the church would be appreciated. On a good church note - visitors are increasing. Another pastor in the valley commented to us that he has never served somewhere and seen so many visitors. Each week, he said, new people just keep coming through the door - people who want to hear the gospel. Most have a very small connection to his church - but they come anyway. And many keep coming. It's happening at our church, too - and it is really cool to see. I don't want to get into an anti-mormon rant here, but the message of the mormon church is, to me at least, profoundly un-Christian. There is a huge segment of society here that doesn't get grace at all - and many are hungry for that message. It is awe-inspiring to watch - and to know that lives are really being changed by the gospel.
I have some more thoughts about this blog and what I want it to be, but it is now past midnight my time and anyone who has read all of this deserves a medal. I'll save the rest for later - and I hope it's soon.

Catching Up

Much has been going on - not all bloggable. As of last Thursday, the session at W's church officially voted to ask me to serve as a parish associate there - so I am looking forward to getting into that more in January. I'll be working with children's and adult's c.e. first - helping to bring some order and planning to those programs that currently have none. Should be good.
On the parish associate note, W. has been teaching an adult Sunday School class this fall using the book Journey Through the Word. Those who have been in the class said last Sunday they want to keep going in January and study the socio-political context of the first century - the background of the New Testament. Anyone know of any not too academic resources for this study? We're looking for a book they can read and discuss together with limited help from W. or me as we both have other responsibilities on Sunday morning. All suggestions are welcome.
Presbytery council has hired the person I thought/hoped they would for the temporary executive. I think this will be good - she will do a good job. I'm still considering whether I'd be interested in the permanent position in another 2 years or so - we shall see.
Finally, some recent pictures........This is M. making playdough...our living room rug may never recover, but that's okay....

M. working on her website - we love starfall.com - a great site that teaches a phonics-based reading program and is intuitive enough for kids to do on their own.

Our turkey cookies - M. saw the Pi!lsbury ad with a picture for these in it and wanted to make them - she was quite proud of how they turned out.


And last but not least, my family cooking dinner. W. made grilled ham and cheese sandwiches tonight. M. buttered the bread (and licked the butter knife). C. tried to climb the stool again and get underfoot. The sandwiches were quite good. I think the picture is even better.

Fun with Cheerios

So C. ate Cheerios for the first time last Saturday. "Ate" is a generous word here - Micah, our dog, was quite happy though. She was so funny with them that I had to document it with photos....so here they are - cheap thrills from a mom's life.....Aren't those chubby cheeks great? And her hair shifts from blonde to light brown to almost red depending on the light - I am interested to see how it changes (or doesn't) as she grows. It also appears she is left handed. Of course, we thought M. was left handed for a long time to, but she is most definitely not, so we will see.

And in keeping with the random part of my job description, I have a question for you all: Why is it that when a pastor is an incompetent idiot and runs a church into the ground and they can't make the budget, the associate is the one who is forced to leave? No more details yet, as it's not officially out in the open - just makes me mad as hell.