Random thoughts from a pastor turned stay-at-home mom now living in the Intermountain west

Sunday, September 7, 2008

"Pretty"

So, I had an interesting time at church this morning. I should start by saying I am only at W's church about 1/2 of the time now - through December probably I am preaching at other churches 2 Sundays a month. And lots of people that I saw this morning hadn't seen me in awhile - they were at church the Sundays I was preaching elsewhere this summer, and on vacation when I was there. But about 10 or 12 people came up to me and commented on how pretty I looked today. It kind of took me by surprise. I mean, I don't honestly remember anyone commenting specifically on my looks at this church before - except for when it became obvious I was pregnant with C. and I got some comments about my cute baby belly. That was different. This was, hmmm..... hard to describe.
I should say that these comments all came from presumably straight women - it wasn't a sexual thing. It was just interesting. And brought up how many issues I still have about my looks. I have learned to just smile and say thank you when someone compliments me (this took a lot of learning on my part - ) but I still wonder to myself - do I really look that nice?
I remember back to junior high and high school when I would literally (unconsciously) hide under big sweaters and such. I remember in college, literally bawling when W. told me that he thought I was beautiful - I had never seen that in myself before he said it. (I also never dated anyone other than W. - so it's not like I had lots of negative input from previous significant others - I was just always the brain with no romantic social life). As an adult, I have worked hard to become comfortable in my own body - to love my self and to present my self in a way that is both comfortable and attractive. So why does it throw me when others notice?
I have been thinking about all this from another angle as I have been working on getting fall and winter clothes ready for M. and C. If I haven't mentioned it before, M and C are both tall - really tall. M. is in size 7/8 tops this winter - which means I now have to shop for her in the girls 7-14 department - which has been a real challenge so far. I don't consider myself a prude or anything - but most of the clothes in the girls 7-14 department look like they belong on middle schoolers - not a preschooler. I mean, she's not even in kindergarten yet. I am not going to allow her to dress like a pre-teenager. So, finding clothes for M. is proving a challenge. I keep saying this is why I sew - I am making her several tops that are (hopefully) cute and age-appropriate and not going to be midriff showing in January. And I want her to feel comfortable in her clothes - in her skin. I want her to grow up knowing how beautiful she is.
In other general life news, fall is here even though I am not ready. M's dance class starts tomorrow. Her preschool started last week. I think we have made a good choice for her this year - she came home from preschool on Thursday talking a million miles a minute about everything they did, with great enthusiam. Always a good sign. C. is now out of diapers during the day and doing quite well - never let it be said that she is not determined. C. is also really talking now. W. made the comment the other day that if there were a conversation balloon over C's head, everything in it would be in all caps with multiple exclamation points. And he's right - no shortage of enthusiam in C. either.
And now, it's time for bed for the munchkins. 'Til later.....

4 comments:

more cows than people said...

hmmm.... where's the post?

Desert Mama said...

Sorry - hit the wrong button - should be there now.

LittleMary said...

good post desert mama. wish we could have more time to talk about this stuff--evolving body stuff. your girls are just gorgeous, and you too.

more cows than people said...

i see it now.

good to hear from you.

and yes, you, and your girls, are beautiful. i pray they will grow to trust that in their bones.

and that you will too.