Rough Times

So, time for my once-a-month update. The girls are fine. Growing like weeds - and now C is old enough to really annoy her sister when she wants to - so sibling issues are cropping up more, but they also really love each other. And it's neat to see them play together more and more. C is also talking more and more. She started saying "anks Mama" on her own - (for "Thanks, Mama") when ever I give her anything. It's really cute. And she will say "anks" when she gives you something as well. In fact, she was "helping" me and M clean the bathroom this week by handing the things on the counter to M who then handed them to me to put out of the way (Did you know it can take 10 minutes or more to clean off a bathroom counter? Don't you want help like mine? :) ) and with every item she said "anks!"
M. is now reading. It has suddenly clicked over the last 2 weeks and she can read simple words and stories. She is still far too slow to really enjoy it - so she doesn't want to much - but I am encouraging her to try some every day so she gets better. She loves doing school now - in fact, I had to put down my foot and say we could only do school 2 days a week, because she would do school 7 days a week and kill me if I let her. I am trying to be more intentional about setting limits in my life in general, so this is good practice. Her preschool begins in a month, and I think that will help keep her busy and not bored. I hope. She is really fun to teach, very enthusiastic, cooperative - but the non-stop go, go, go of her little mind wears me out!

The title of this post refers to W and the church - it was a rough winter, things got better in the spring, but the last couple of weeks have been hellish again. So much anxiety flying around, and leadership that doesn't know or want to follow the rules they wrote, and a church that doesn't know how to communicate effectively at all - add some drama queens in and you've got the nightmare W is in right now. He is really down about it and I'm worried about him. So, prayers appreciated. He still feels called to be here - but it's hard stuff.

Not dead....

Just in case anyone wondered. I realize it's been quite awhile, so here are some bullet updates and a few pictures.

• Trip back east was a mix of best and worst. Great times in Ohio with good friends, enjoyable weekend preaching at the church I attended in college. Time with Dad - awful. Still processing where to go next in that relationship - deeply concerned for my Dad, as he is majorly depressed and not in treatment, not sure what I can/should do. Trying to be the daughter and not the pastor is sometimes hard. Even harder several hundred miles away with someone who doesn't want to talk. At all.
• It is hot here. Really hot. Actually cooler this week than last, only 90's not 100+. And dry - I never had dry skin in the summer until moving to Utah. Took the girls up to do a short walk behind Snowbird (1 mile with no real elevation change). It's much cooler 5000 feet up, you know.
  
• C. is now talking much more. Finally. In somewhat understandable English. She knows animals and animal sounds (as many as I can remember) and her colors. She loves bubbles. She loves to color with markers. Thank God for washable markers.
• I have started school with M. Her idea to start now - I was going to wait until fall. She loves it. She is writing and doing basic math and starting to read. It is so exciting to see her fall in love with learning. I have decided that I am going to do my best to not require her to learn anything that isn't applicable to real life - we don't do random worksheets to fill time, we play with things and explore and discover. Someone remind me of this commitment when I forget, okay?
• M. has also suddenly grown an inch or so. Mostly since our trip. Fortunately, it's summer and shorts can be a bit shorter than planned when you're 4 years old (right?).
• I did not get the Stated Clerk job I applied for. And I'm glad. Much more to write about my state of mind and learning to love this life I've chosen, but that will be another post.
  
• Here are 2 of the costumes I made back in May. The first is one of the Autumn fairy dresses, the second is one of the Spring/summer fairy skirts. It was so neat to go to the dress rehearsal, help these 90-100 kids into their costumes and see their eyes light up at how pretty they looked and how excited they were to dance on stage. I think the thank yous from the Winter fairies may have been my favorite - they were a class of 3 and 4 year olds that I made simple wings for - basically a half circle of fabric with elastic loops on either end of the straight line for them to put their hands through. Another mom sewed a strip of fake fur around the curve to make it look more wintery - they came running up to me in a group and almost knocked me over saying thank you and giving me hugs. Very, very sweet.
• A picture of C. home again with Daddy - quite cute.
• Finally, a picture of the girls from this week - both in pigtails.
• And another - because they are so danged cute. Even if C. looks even more eerily like her uncle R. (W.'s younger brother) with her hair in pigtails.
• Happy July!

Time for dinner now.

Sewing

This is my sewing machine. I've spent a lot of time here lately. Saturday, for instance, I sewed 9 dresses to be costumes for M's dance concert next Saturday. They are made of silk - beautiful fabric with a great drape - but slippery at you know what. So slippery that my machine was having trouble sewing with it - the feed dogs couldn't keep a grip on the fabric, so my seams were a bit puckered.
(For those who don't sew and have absolutely no idea what I just said - a sewing machine's feed dogs are the parts that lift up from under the needle to grab the fabric and move it through the machine at the proper pace. If the fabric doesn't go at the right pace for the stitch and speed you are using, your stitches will be uneven and the tension of the top and bottom threads won't be right and so the finished seam won't lay flat.)


This is what a pile of silk scraps leftover from cutting out 9 dresses looks like. Actually, this is what it looks like after your 4 and 1/2 year old daughter takes your fabric shears and cuts them up into smaller pieces, but you get the idea.


This yellow fabric is actually cut into squares now - it will be 10 skirts.


These are the rainbow fairy scarves - we dyed them yesterday. They are silk also - I think they turned out really pretty. Each one is a different pattern of colors....


This is all the rest of the silk we dyed yesterday - blue scarves for the dancers who will be toys, rainbow fairy pants, and autumn fairy dresses (those are the ones I made). I'm really happy with how bright and bold the colors came out. (They are all bunched up in the sink here because I had to rinse the dye out this morning - which I did in the shower with a detachable nozzle head - and they are now waiting to be washed. Of course, I forgot to bring home the special soap I need to use, so they will have to be washed after I run out this afternoon.)


My hands hurt. But it is very rewarding to take a pile of fabrics and turn them into something beautiful. I can't wait to see the dancers in them! And I will try to take pictures of the finished products....

A big step

Well, life is still busy. I often think "I could blog about that" but blogging involves turning on the laptop and sitting down to type without C. coming over and pushing the power button (one of her latest tricks) so I don't actually do it much. However, I had to post tonight - C. used the potty for the first time before bed tonight!
I am so amazed - this was truly all her idea. She was in the bathroom - I was trying to get M. ready for bed as well. I had just changed C's diaper and she started tugging at it and then pointing at the toilet and trying to lift up the lid. (Which we keep closed unless in use to prevent "accidental drownings" of important objects. We haven't lost anything we wanted down a toilet yet and I'd like to keep it that way...) She is still not very verbal - but I looked at her and said "do you need to go potty?" And she nodded her head yes. I told her to wait a minute, went into her room and pulled M's old potty chair out of the closet, took it into the bathroom and helped C. take off the still-dry diaper and sit down. She sat there for a minute and then pointed to the roll of toilet paper. I asked if she was all done, she nodded yes, so I gave her some paper - and when she stood up to wipe, she had actually gone in the potty!
I have to say that I was thinking she was almost ready last week, because she knows when she needs to go, will ask for a clean diaper, and has learned from watching me and her big sister the basics of what needs to happen - but I had decided to wait to actually introduce the potty until after our June trip - I guess I have been overruled. We will have to see how interested she is tomorrow - M. started potty training at about this age and in a similar fashion and was completely out of diapers during the day by the time she was 2 years one month old - and while I will not push C. (pushing a kid to train when he/she isn't ready and interested is the number one way to cause major, major problems) I must say that I would be so happy to be done changing diapers during the day 9 months from now!

On a totally, totally separate topic - I think I am going to apply for the Stated Clerk's position for my presbytery. It is part-time, averaging 10 hours a week, and for a 10 month term right now because the presbytery is in the middle of a redesign process and is reevaluating how we do staffing. I started filling out a PIF today - I haven't made a final decision to turn it in, but I am leaning towards it. There is lots more backstory about this - but it will have to wait for later, as I am tired and going to bed.

Right after I post a picture - I know that's the most exciting part of this blog, anyway....eating vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce for bedtime snack. This is an important life skill to learn, right?
I did M.'s hair in french braids for the first time this day - they were falling out pretty badly by bedtime, but it was cute I thought - C's hair isn't long enough for much yet....soon, though.

Life is good

busy as heck, but good. My mom is here and getting settled in. We are enjoying having her close by to babysit a few times a week (and C. now will sometimes say goodbye to me when grandma is here and not throw a holy fit when I leave. Not all the time, but sometimes. Progress!) I am realizing again how lucky I am to have parents who respect our parenting choices and don't undermine them - and therefore I can trust them with my kids without all the drama I have heard from others. It is a gift. My mom is the only one close enough to watch the girls regularly, but the same can be said for my dad and W's mom (and his dad before his dad died).
I am beginning to think spring will never come. There are daffodils in bloom in our neighborhood - and we are supposed to get snow flurries again tonight. I am ready for consistent warm weather....which will probably get here in July when it's in the 90's and above for weeks straight.
I'm also craving some closure on something - my life seems to be filled with on-going, unfinished projects - several of which are going to be very long-term and not entirely in my control. And I want to finish something. My "J" is asserting itself and it is grouchy! Hopefully I'll have time to finish the sundresses I'm making for the girls this week - that will be something completed.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries....

COM met again today. I (obviously) can't say much about what went on - but I will say this:
1. Boundaries, people. If you are in ministry, and don't understand the concept, get help. Please. For your own sake and for the sake of Christ's church.
2. COM is exhausting and energizing at the same time. I am tired, yet satisfied that the decisions we made today, while hard in many cases, will bring healing and hope to troubled pastors and congregations. Or at least have the potential to assist in bringing healing and hope. Actually bringing it is Jesus' job, I guess - so I won't claim any committee is doing it.
3. The church needs polity geeks like me. This is a part of my calling - and the energizing part of my day comes from knowing my gifts are being well used in this work.
4. My sympathies to any who have served or will serve on COM in larger presbyteries. We only have 23 churches in my presbytery - something like 27 actively serving ministers of Word and Sacrament and maybe 6-8 minister members-at-large (like me). There are presbyteries with over 100 churches - I don't know how those COM's can function.

Other notes:
1. C. learned a new trick yesterday - which I think took about 3 years off my life the first time she did it. She has figured out how to climb up the climber/slide we have in our backyard. The platform is about 3 feet off the ground - and she scales the mini-rock-climbing side to get up. And then goes down the slide half on her back and half on her butt. It is quite cute, actually - and she is so, so, so proud of herself - now that I am reasonably sure she can do it without falling off and killing herself.
2. We are settling back into our normal routine. Having my mom and aunt here last week really threw us off. Not that I didn't want them to come - but my girls are so sensitive to any change in their environment - positive or negative - that having visitors in Holy Week was really hard and resulted in many nights of frequent wakings. M. especially is affected by this - and we learned that she is now too big to come to bed with us, as she kicked (by accident - she was tossing and turning) W. in a very sensitive spot at 2 a.m. one night. Oops. Potential downside of co-sleeping. No lasting damage to W. or M. - and we are now back to sleeping normally. Thank God. (I need my sleep).
3. I am excited about the potential for new friends here - in the spouses of 2 newer members of the presbytery who are also in my general area and have young kids. I am hoping we can start a playgroup or something soon for time to get to know each other. It would be so nice to have friends here who I don't have to do the "pastor's wife who is also a pastor" dance with.
4. Having my mom closer has brought up so much emotional junk - we are in the process of re-negiotiating our relationship, and that is tiring. It is going well - she has made the decision to intentionally seek out a church home that is not W's church so she has some separation from us - and we are all (well, the adults anyway) aware of the need to set healthy patterns, etc. now - but still, exhausting. And yet, I am reminding myself through this process of the many ways I choose to be me - not my mother - and that is good. And I have the opportunity to have an adult relationship with her - she did not get this with her mother (my grandmother died when I was 3 1/2 years old). And it is a gift.
5. We are continuing to discern where we will put M. in school. I am waiting for a call back from the woman who did IQ and achievement testing for her to set up an appointment to go over the test results. I could write a short book on our decision to go ahead and do testing now - but I am not sure if anyone is interested. If you are, leave a comment and I will write more about it. So we are waiting to get those results - but I am still pondering. The public schools are transitioning to a different gifted program - aimed to really target the top 3-5 % of kids - instead of the broader, high achievement program they currently have (which aims to target the top 15-20% of kids). There are all sorts of issues in this, which I won't delineate now so as not to bore you to tears, but the end result is that I am not sure I can trust the public schools to meet M.'s needs. And she will be starting school right in the middle of this big change in program - not sure if I have the energy to put into being her advocate through that with an un-tested program. (And I hope that doesn't sound too snotty - I don't mean to be - I'm just trying to honestly feel out where I can put my energy) Charter schools are another option here - and there are some really good ones that I would be happy to have her in - ones that use proven methods of differentiated instruction (which means that the teachers teach kids in small group at their level - so the slower learners aren't left in the dust and the faster learners aren' t bored to tears - it takes very dedicated teachers to do this, but when done well the results are very much worth it). However, the charter that would be our first choice based on distance (we would have to provide transportation, so distance is an issue to consider) had 150 applicants for 10 kindergarten spots last year. The other options have similar numbers. So, I am hesitant to plan on that - too much uncertainty. (that's my inner J asserting itself, I think). Private schools are simply too expensive, unless I suddenly found a great paying job - which is not too likely (there will be some ministry jobs open up in the next few years here that would be doable from a location standpoint, but none would meet the "great paying" requirement). So, it is looking more and more like homeschooling may be the best option.
6. This (homeschooling) fills me with terror and joy, in alternating and equal measure. We have already decided that I will start to do "kindergarten" with M. 2 days a week in the fall. She will be in pre-school 2 days a week, at a new school. The new school teaches phonics in her class and basic math - some academics mixed with lots of hands-on and free-play time. I really and truly believe M. is ready for that and will thrive there. She will go on Tuesdays and Thursdays for 2 1/2 hours each day. Mondays and Wednesdays I will do "school" with her at home - for kindergarten, this means about 10 - 15 minutes of reading (her to me), similar time for math, a few minutes of handwriting (which she actually already does on a regular basis of her own initiative - she will happily sit for 20-25 minutes at a stretch and ask me to spell words out for her to write down.) and as much reading aloud of various books (novels, science books, etc.) as we can manage. I would love to also do art and something for music and science experiments and a study of world cultures - but those will wait until I make sure we aren't going to kill each other with the basics. I am thinking that the basics will be an hour or so a day - we will see how much time we want to fill with other pursuits.

And now, it is quite late, so I will post and then sleep. More to come.....

Happy Easter!

to one and all. I have much to write, but not much time, so I will try to get on again soon with a fuller update. My mom and her sister have been here since Tuesday night. Mom's moving truck was supposed to be here by Monday at the latest - it will not be here before next Thursday. Moving nightmares.....So, it is crazy here (nothing really new in that) but we are surviving. I wanted to post a picture of M. with her Easter eggs she dyed this afternoon, and a cute one of C. - here they are....
They are having lots of fun this Easter - and it is neat for me to see M. start to really understand the story of Easter. We've talked this week about Maundy Thursday and Good Friday and what happened on those days and why - She is really excited about the whole deal - makes a pastor mom proud....
I have much more to blog, but must go finish hemming my new skirt to wear tomorrow and then get to bed. Hopefully soon I can do a major update. Someday, I plan to blog more frequently - much goes through my head that I think, "that would make a great post" - but getting it typed into the computer doesn't always happen. I also have been thinking about responses to 2 memes that More Cows tagged me for - my answers are coming!