grrrr

More crap going on at W's church. When will adults learn to act like adults? Probably never.....
I'll post more later - it's time to sleep now.

"Pretty"

So, I had an interesting time at church this morning. I should start by saying I am only at W's church about 1/2 of the time now - through December probably I am preaching at other churches 2 Sundays a month. And lots of people that I saw this morning hadn't seen me in awhile - they were at church the Sundays I was preaching elsewhere this summer, and on vacation when I was there. But about 10 or 12 people came up to me and commented on how pretty I looked today. It kind of took me by surprise. I mean, I don't honestly remember anyone commenting specifically on my looks at this church before - except for when it became obvious I was pregnant with C. and I got some comments about my cute baby belly. That was different. This was, hmmm..... hard to describe.
I should say that these comments all came from presumably straight women - it wasn't a sexual thing. It was just interesting. And brought up how many issues I still have about my looks. I have learned to just smile and say thank you when someone compliments me (this took a lot of learning on my part - ) but I still wonder to myself - do I really look that nice?
I remember back to junior high and high school when I would literally (unconsciously) hide under big sweaters and such. I remember in college, literally bawling when W. told me that he thought I was beautiful - I had never seen that in myself before he said it. (I also never dated anyone other than W. - so it's not like I had lots of negative input from previous significant others - I was just always the brain with no romantic social life). As an adult, I have worked hard to become comfortable in my own body - to love my self and to present my self in a way that is both comfortable and attractive. So why does it throw me when others notice?
I have been thinking about all this from another angle as I have been working on getting fall and winter clothes ready for M. and C. If I haven't mentioned it before, M and C are both tall - really tall. M. is in size 7/8 tops this winter - which means I now have to shop for her in the girls 7-14 department - which has been a real challenge so far. I don't consider myself a prude or anything - but most of the clothes in the girls 7-14 department look like they belong on middle schoolers - not a preschooler. I mean, she's not even in kindergarten yet. I am not going to allow her to dress like a pre-teenager. So, finding clothes for M. is proving a challenge. I keep saying this is why I sew - I am making her several tops that are (hopefully) cute and age-appropriate and not going to be midriff showing in January. And I want her to feel comfortable in her clothes - in her skin. I want her to grow up knowing how beautiful she is.
In other general life news, fall is here even though I am not ready. M's dance class starts tomorrow. Her preschool started last week. I think we have made a good choice for her this year - she came home from preschool on Thursday talking a million miles a minute about everything they did, with great enthusiam. Always a good sign. C. is now out of diapers during the day and doing quite well - never let it be said that she is not determined. C. is also really talking now. W. made the comment the other day that if there were a conversation balloon over C's head, everything in it would be in all caps with multiple exclamation points. And he's right - no shortage of enthusiam in C. either.
And now, it's time for bed for the munchkins. 'Til later.....

????

Not sure what to title this - more random reflections, I guess.
It was so interesting to watch the Olympic opening ceremony with M. This is the first time she's been old enough to understand any of the Olympics. And with a dad who's a big sports fan in general, and who was a competitive athlete in several sports in high school, she's enjoyed the whole thing. And we've had some interesting discussions about the world, different countries, why China isn't like the US, etc. I am finding it harder and harder to always answer her questions about things like that - the presidential campaign this fall will be interesting from that standpoint.
On another M. front, have to share this story, which also involves something she's picked up from dad - the use of 4-letter words. Monday night, she was pretty tired after dinner and mad at C. over something I couldn't figure out (I'm thinking at the moment it was something like C. was still breathing, but still). C. had to go potty. So, we were in the bathroom and M. comes in and takes off her sandal and throws it across the room into our bedroom (the bedroom and bathroom connect). I then calmly asked her if she was going to go on our walk tonight or not (we usually take a short family walk with the dog every night). She looked at me and screamed/growled "YES!" so I told her she needed to go get her sandal and put it back on. Then the real battle of wills began. She was convinced that I would either get her sandal or put it on for her. I told her no, if she was going to go on the walk, she needed to do what I asked her to and put it on. I think I also reminded her that it would still be on her foot if she hadn't been so into throwing a fit (which didn't do anything to help her calm down - but I managed to keep calm myself). Finally, C. was finished, I went to get their pajamas, fully ready to just put them to bed (C. has also been fighting off a cold and pretty tired) and M. stood up and got her sandal and brought it to me. I told her that the deal was she got it and she put it on and then we would go on the walk. So, after a minute of going back and forth over this detail, she sits down to put on the sandal, and while doing so looks up at me and says, "Sh!t! F@ck! Hell! Damn!" and probably a few others. All I could do was laugh. Which really confused M. - I think she was convinced this would throw gasoline on the fire so to speak. But it was so funny. She still has no idea what she really said -
W. of course, who is the source of this vocabulary for M., didn't hear any of it. When I told him about it, his response was, "So I either need to watch my mouth or teach her how to properly string them together, right?" Sigh from mom.
On to C. She has decided, as of Monday afternoon, that she does not wear diapers during the day anymore. For those who think an 18 month old is incapable of such sheer willpower and determination, may you never have a stubborn child. And she's done remarkably well so far with no diapers. If this takes, I will be a very happy mom.
I am amazed at the change in weather that August brings here. It is still hot - 90 plus today - but seems so much cooler than the 100 plus days we had in July. We are starting to have some cooler evenings again, which is nice. Soon it will be snowing, I know - so I'm trying to enjoy this.
Things at the church are marginally better. Not much - that will take much more time - but the key leadership is starting to see that W. is not the problem, he is the lighting rod for the anxiety that has been bred of year of mis-communication and indecisiveness and "trying to be nice to everyone" disease (where we want to be nice so we let certain people run roughshod over the rest of the congregation instead of just saying no to their latest outrageous scheme.) No, W. is not perfect - but he is far from their greatest problem. And just dumping on him isn't going to solve anything. Now, we just need this newfound enlightenment to trickle down to the rest of the congregation.
Well, it's late. Time for sleep. Tomorrow is another day....

Rough Times

So, time for my once-a-month update. The girls are fine. Growing like weeds - and now C is old enough to really annoy her sister when she wants to - so sibling issues are cropping up more, but they also really love each other. And it's neat to see them play together more and more. C is also talking more and more. She started saying "anks Mama" on her own - (for "Thanks, Mama") when ever I give her anything. It's really cute. And she will say "anks" when she gives you something as well. In fact, she was "helping" me and M clean the bathroom this week by handing the things on the counter to M who then handed them to me to put out of the way (Did you know it can take 10 minutes or more to clean off a bathroom counter? Don't you want help like mine? :) ) and with every item she said "anks!"
M. is now reading. It has suddenly clicked over the last 2 weeks and she can read simple words and stories. She is still far too slow to really enjoy it - so she doesn't want to much - but I am encouraging her to try some every day so she gets better. She loves doing school now - in fact, I had to put down my foot and say we could only do school 2 days a week, because she would do school 7 days a week and kill me if I let her. I am trying to be more intentional about setting limits in my life in general, so this is good practice. Her preschool begins in a month, and I think that will help keep her busy and not bored. I hope. She is really fun to teach, very enthusiastic, cooperative - but the non-stop go, go, go of her little mind wears me out!

The title of this post refers to W and the church - it was a rough winter, things got better in the spring, but the last couple of weeks have been hellish again. So much anxiety flying around, and leadership that doesn't know or want to follow the rules they wrote, and a church that doesn't know how to communicate effectively at all - add some drama queens in and you've got the nightmare W is in right now. He is really down about it and I'm worried about him. So, prayers appreciated. He still feels called to be here - but it's hard stuff.

Not dead....

Just in case anyone wondered. I realize it's been quite awhile, so here are some bullet updates and a few pictures.

• Trip back east was a mix of best and worst. Great times in Ohio with good friends, enjoyable weekend preaching at the church I attended in college. Time with Dad - awful. Still processing where to go next in that relationship - deeply concerned for my Dad, as he is majorly depressed and not in treatment, not sure what I can/should do. Trying to be the daughter and not the pastor is sometimes hard. Even harder several hundred miles away with someone who doesn't want to talk. At all.
• It is hot here. Really hot. Actually cooler this week than last, only 90's not 100+. And dry - I never had dry skin in the summer until moving to Utah. Took the girls up to do a short walk behind Snowbird (1 mile with no real elevation change). It's much cooler 5000 feet up, you know.
  
• C. is now talking much more. Finally. In somewhat understandable English. She knows animals and animal sounds (as many as I can remember) and her colors. She loves bubbles. She loves to color with markers. Thank God for washable markers.
• I have started school with M. Her idea to start now - I was going to wait until fall. She loves it. She is writing and doing basic math and starting to read. It is so exciting to see her fall in love with learning. I have decided that I am going to do my best to not require her to learn anything that isn't applicable to real life - we don't do random worksheets to fill time, we play with things and explore and discover. Someone remind me of this commitment when I forget, okay?
• M. has also suddenly grown an inch or so. Mostly since our trip. Fortunately, it's summer and shorts can be a bit shorter than planned when you're 4 years old (right?).
• I did not get the Stated Clerk job I applied for. And I'm glad. Much more to write about my state of mind and learning to love this life I've chosen, but that will be another post.
  
• Here are 2 of the costumes I made back in May. The first is one of the Autumn fairy dresses, the second is one of the Spring/summer fairy skirts. It was so neat to go to the dress rehearsal, help these 90-100 kids into their costumes and see their eyes light up at how pretty they looked and how excited they were to dance on stage. I think the thank yous from the Winter fairies may have been my favorite - they were a class of 3 and 4 year olds that I made simple wings for - basically a half circle of fabric with elastic loops on either end of the straight line for them to put their hands through. Another mom sewed a strip of fake fur around the curve to make it look more wintery - they came running up to me in a group and almost knocked me over saying thank you and giving me hugs. Very, very sweet.
• A picture of C. home again with Daddy - quite cute.
• Finally, a picture of the girls from this week - both in pigtails.
• And another - because they are so danged cute. Even if C. looks even more eerily like her uncle R. (W.'s younger brother) with her hair in pigtails.
• Happy July!

Time for dinner now.

Sewing

This is my sewing machine. I've spent a lot of time here lately. Saturday, for instance, I sewed 9 dresses to be costumes for M's dance concert next Saturday. They are made of silk - beautiful fabric with a great drape - but slippery at you know what. So slippery that my machine was having trouble sewing with it - the feed dogs couldn't keep a grip on the fabric, so my seams were a bit puckered.
(For those who don't sew and have absolutely no idea what I just said - a sewing machine's feed dogs are the parts that lift up from under the needle to grab the fabric and move it through the machine at the proper pace. If the fabric doesn't go at the right pace for the stitch and speed you are using, your stitches will be uneven and the tension of the top and bottom threads won't be right and so the finished seam won't lay flat.)


This is what a pile of silk scraps leftover from cutting out 9 dresses looks like. Actually, this is what it looks like after your 4 and 1/2 year old daughter takes your fabric shears and cuts them up into smaller pieces, but you get the idea.


This yellow fabric is actually cut into squares now - it will be 10 skirts.


These are the rainbow fairy scarves - we dyed them yesterday. They are silk also - I think they turned out really pretty. Each one is a different pattern of colors....


This is all the rest of the silk we dyed yesterday - blue scarves for the dancers who will be toys, rainbow fairy pants, and autumn fairy dresses (those are the ones I made). I'm really happy with how bright and bold the colors came out. (They are all bunched up in the sink here because I had to rinse the dye out this morning - which I did in the shower with a detachable nozzle head - and they are now waiting to be washed. Of course, I forgot to bring home the special soap I need to use, so they will have to be washed after I run out this afternoon.)


My hands hurt. But it is very rewarding to take a pile of fabrics and turn them into something beautiful. I can't wait to see the dancers in them! And I will try to take pictures of the finished products....

A big step

Well, life is still busy. I often think "I could blog about that" but blogging involves turning on the laptop and sitting down to type without C. coming over and pushing the power button (one of her latest tricks) so I don't actually do it much. However, I had to post tonight - C. used the potty for the first time before bed tonight!
I am so amazed - this was truly all her idea. She was in the bathroom - I was trying to get M. ready for bed as well. I had just changed C's diaper and she started tugging at it and then pointing at the toilet and trying to lift up the lid. (Which we keep closed unless in use to prevent "accidental drownings" of important objects. We haven't lost anything we wanted down a toilet yet and I'd like to keep it that way...) She is still not very verbal - but I looked at her and said "do you need to go potty?" And she nodded her head yes. I told her to wait a minute, went into her room and pulled M's old potty chair out of the closet, took it into the bathroom and helped C. take off the still-dry diaper and sit down. She sat there for a minute and then pointed to the roll of toilet paper. I asked if she was all done, she nodded yes, so I gave her some paper - and when she stood up to wipe, she had actually gone in the potty!
I have to say that I was thinking she was almost ready last week, because she knows when she needs to go, will ask for a clean diaper, and has learned from watching me and her big sister the basics of what needs to happen - but I had decided to wait to actually introduce the potty until after our June trip - I guess I have been overruled. We will have to see how interested she is tomorrow - M. started potty training at about this age and in a similar fashion and was completely out of diapers during the day by the time she was 2 years one month old - and while I will not push C. (pushing a kid to train when he/she isn't ready and interested is the number one way to cause major, major problems) I must say that I would be so happy to be done changing diapers during the day 9 months from now!

On a totally, totally separate topic - I think I am going to apply for the Stated Clerk's position for my presbytery. It is part-time, averaging 10 hours a week, and for a 10 month term right now because the presbytery is in the middle of a redesign process and is reevaluating how we do staffing. I started filling out a PIF today - I haven't made a final decision to turn it in, but I am leaning towards it. There is lots more backstory about this - but it will have to wait for later, as I am tired and going to bed.

Right after I post a picture - I know that's the most exciting part of this blog, anyway....eating vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce for bedtime snack. This is an important life skill to learn, right?
I did M.'s hair in french braids for the first time this day - they were falling out pretty badly by bedtime, but it was cute I thought - C's hair isn't long enough for much yet....soon, though.